


Untitled Goose Fic (Peter Parker Accidentally Strangles A Goose After It Brutally Attacks Him)

by mttraspberrypie



Series: Tales of a Sweet Spider-Son and His Embarrassing Irondad [9]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: An animal gets strangled but lives and it's out of self defense, Hurt Peter Parker, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Mess, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-16 08:56:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21033629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mttraspberrypie/pseuds/mttraspberrypie
Summary: Exactly what the title says





	Untitled Goose Fic (Peter Parker Accidentally Strangles A Goose After It Brutally Attacks Him)

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the tags. Enjoy!

Tony’s never really had what you could call a stereotypical family before.

Howard was never the caring type of father, the one who supported their child in everything and said a million “I love you’s” each night.

Tony’s come to terms with the fact that Howard wasn’t the best father. In fact, a majority of the time, he was an asshole- however, he tried his best, and Tony credits him for that.

The gulf Howard created for Tony, the preexisting feeling that he wasn’t enough, wasn’t someone who could even be part of a family, had stuck with Tony for a long time. It wasn’t until Pepper, Rhodey, Happy, Peter, and Morgan came along that Tony realized family doesn’t have to be what everyone immediately thinks of- blood, nuclear, whatever.

That being said, the Avenger reunions are interesting as hell.

After The Blip- who the hell came up with that name?- pretty much everyone who fought against Thanos in what was honestly the most chaotic events in Tony’s life- and that’s saying something, because he’s Tony Stark, enough said- meets up at the lakehouse for a reunion. 

Of course, they’re hard to plan. People like the Guardians or Thor are hard to pin down, seeing as they’re literally in space. Yet it’s not a one-sided effort- everyone makes the effort to clear at least one day out of their schedule to go to these.

Tony doesn’t even know how this all started- after the battle, after his arm had to be replaced with that of Wakandan technology, everyone just sort of threw a party at the lakehouse.

And, of all the parties, Tony’s proud to say it was probably the best he’s ever been to, considering it was thrown in his residence, thank you very much- of course, it wasn’t fun to clean up after everyone once the party was over, the Guardians in particular being messy as hell, thanks for that.

Obviously, it’s not as if Tony only sees everyone at the reunions once a year. Peter comes over every other weekend- once upon a time, Tony might have denied the fact that he saw Peter as his son, but after everything, one of the biggest things Tony has learned is that waiting to tell someone you care is a definite no-go- others call it common sense, Tony calls it chronic emotional issues given to him from birth.

Happy, who survived The Blip, has always been around. Morgan loves him, and Happy dotes on her- he’s pretty much an uncle to her, and even Peter, although Happy won’t ever admit that.

It’s still pretty funny to see his Forehead of Security get all worried whenever the kid does something stupid.

And, obviously, good ol’ platypus is over at least once a month- Rhodey’s always been busy since he’s a goddamn colonel, but they’re still close as ever- Rhodey’s been with him since the beginning.

On this particular reunion, everything is going smoothly.

Everyone is gathered outside- Quill is trying- and failing- to get Gamora to dance with him, while the rest of the Guardians watch him- besides that tree, Groot, who’s playing some ancient looking game while Rocket attempts to snatch it out of his hands. Clint is chatting with Steve, eating a hotdog, while Natasha and Okoye seem to be talking about battle strategies- remind Tony to never piss them off. Bruce is keeping an eye on Thor, who while for the majority has given up drinking, is still eyeing the beer in one of the many coolers they’ve set out.

T’Challa and Shuri are eating- Shuri keeps stealing his shoestring french fries when he isn’t looking, which Tony can’t help but snort at. Stephen- subconsciously, Tony will eye the man’s hair every now and then to make sure it isn’t moving in ways it shouldn’t be- seems to be reading from some book- probably some Disney-esque spellbook, because no matter what, Stephen’s totally a wizard- while Wong listens to some music- Tony swears it’s Beyonce- with an extremely outdated iPod- why Wong refuses to get a StarkPhone is beyond him. Sam and Barnes are arguing- what else is new- while Wanda watches.

Happy, Carol and Rhodey are getting beer- Thor looks like he’s about to make a move for the cooler.

Everyone else seems to be having a good time- Pepper’s on a food run, even though Tony insisted he could do it instead. They’re eating, drinking, dancing, talking.

“Daddy?” Morgan says- she’s tugging on his sleeve.

Tony smiles. “Yeah, Morgoona?”

“Can you make me a hotdog?” she asks, gazing up at him with her special patented puppy dog eyes- Tony suspects Peter taught her this move, there’s no way he didn’t.

“Sure,” Tony picks Morgan up, balancing her on his hip- which, no, despite popular belief, isn’t too old to carry his daughter on, he’s fifty three for godssake- “Do you want ketchup? Mustard? A handful of crickets, maybe?”

Morgan sticks out her tongue and shakes her head. “No, Daddy! I don’t like crickets.”

“But it’s your favorite snack, though. You love crickets!” Tony protests as he walks to the food station they’ve set up, grabbing a paper plate.

“Nuh-uh. I love cupcakes and juice pops. Crickets are yucky.” Morgan says firmly, and Tony can’t help but laugh at his daughter’s serious expression- still, in the back of his mind, something nags at him. He can’t help but feel like something- or someone- is missing.

Then, suddenly- “Daddy, look! Petey’s playing with the goose!” Morgan exclaims, pointing all the way across the river with her little hands- and, sure enough, there’s a faint blur of his kid in the distance, along with a smaller white one.

Something tells Tony- paternal instinct, probably- that he should check on Peter. Immediately. Quickly, he makes Morgan her hotdog- her thank you is muffled by her already cramming the hotdog halfway into her face- and walks over to the other side of the lake, Morgan holding his hand.

Sure enough, Peter’s there- being stalked by a ruffled looking white goose. Peter looks nervous, slowly walking in circles, the goose in tow.

“Hey, kid.” Tony says casually- geese aren’t really unnatural, and they’re honestly pretty peaceful, so why Peter looks so nervous is beyond him.

“Hi Petey!” Morgan waves exaggeratedly at him, a big smile across her face- she loves Peter, who she immediately dubbed as her big brother upon seeing, probably due to how many stories Tony told about him while he was Blipped.

“Heeeey, guys,” Peter says, with an anxious smile on his face- he’s still walking, taking longer strides now, which the goose matches.

“It looks like you and that goose are having fun. Hopefully it won’t replace Ted.” Tony remarks, and Peter rolls his eyes.

“His name is Ned, Mr. Stark. You know that.”

“Which is what I said- Ted,” Tony teases, “Those geese come around a lot this time of year. Just be calm and it won’t go after you.”

It’s sound advice, advice Tony’s successfully used many times in the past few years- geese can be evil, but Tony’s smarter.

He also just can’t bring himself to be threatened by ducks with necks bigger than they need to be, and the geese must feel somewhat the same about him, so their relationship has worked out pretty well.

“Yeah, I was trying to, but this one just sort of came after me itsELF-” Peter yelps as the goose nips at his ankles, jumping into the air.

“Just walk away from it, Pete. There’s no reason to be scared- it’s a goose, not your first date with MJ.”

Peter stops in his tracks, seemingly confused. “Wait- how’d you know about that, Mr. Stark? That was, like, yesterday.”

“I know everything, kid.” Tony smirks- in reality, May had called him to gush about it- Peter hadn’t told anyone, but apparently May had found out somehow.

Then again, she’s May; what can’t she do?

Besides cook.

“That isn’t a-” Just as Peter starts to say something- probably a complaint- the goose promptly bites his ass, which causes him to let out the most high-pitched, god awful shriek Tony has ever heard- even Morgan covers her ears.

Peter barely manages to run away from the goose, which honks angrily- Tony’s torn between laughing and blasting the goose himself- when the goose quite literally runs after him- probably faster than anyone Tony’s ever seen, which is impressive.

“OH MY GOD PLEASE GET AWAY FROM ME,” Peter yells, eyes filled with the most fear Tony’s ever seen in them.

“Be calm, Pete! Just back away from it!” Tony calls to him, while Morgan says something about Peter being like Snow White- not exactly the description Tony would use.

The goose, however, is filled with rage. It’s eyes scream evil- and it isn’t letting up, letting out a frightening-ass hiss as it somehow runs in front of Peter, causing him to try and run the other direction.

“JUST LEAVE ME ALONE I SWEAR I’LL NEVER GET NEAR YOU AGAIN- OH GOD WHAT THE FU-” Peter screams, because- holy shit- the goose is flying now, honking like a car on a bad day, wings spread wide.

Peter’s running while ducking now, but the goose is faster- it swoops down at Peter, who trips on literally nothing.

By now, everyone has gathered to watch this spectacle unfold. The Guardians are laughing their asses off- the only ones who aren’t laughing are Nebula, Groot, and Gamora.

“He- he’s running-” Rocket cries with laughter, bent over, “The thing is biting at his ass-!”

“Shuri, stop filming.” T’challa groans, grabbing some piece of Wakandan technology right out of Shuri’s hands.

“No fair, brother! This is hilarious!” Shuri complains, but then, when T’Challa isn’t looking, uses some sort of bead bracelet to keep recording.

The goose is now digging into Peter’s shirt with its feet, Peter desperately trying to shove it off. Finally, he manages this, and, crawling backwards, says, “Okaaaaay, Mister Goose- or Miss- let’s just, uh, be friends? Let’s not fight? Please?”

For a moment, everything is silent. The goose is still. Peter is still.

“Bad idea,” Clint whispers to Steve, who just looks confused.

“Why would that be a bad idea-”

Then the goose runs at Peter, who screeches and scuttles backwards.

“I’VE LITERALLY NEVER DONE ANYTHING TO YOU I WALKED OVER HERE AND WE MADE EYE CONTACT AND THEN YOU STARTED RUNNING AFTER ME AND HONESTLY I DON’T LIKE THIS AND-”

“Didn’t he do backflips and shit?” Quill asks, once he’s able to stop laughing.

“Aren’t you going to help your kid, Tony?” Natasha crosses her arms, and Tony raises an eyebrow.

“I would, but I think in order to do that I’d have to suit up and blast the goose,” Tony mouths this last part. Then he nudges his head at Morgan, who’s chewing on a piece of her hair while watching this all unfold in utter fascination.

“Go get ‘em, Spidey!” Sam cheers sarcastically, while Bucky says something about Peter being fucked.

A chant has started. “GOOSE! GOOSE! GOOSE!”

“Are you guys all seriously cheering for the goose over my kid?” Tony glares at them all, to which Quill shrugs.

“Hey man. The goose is kicking your kid’s ass.”

“You don’t have a spell that could just make the goose disappear? Aren’t you a magician or something?” Tony asks Stephen, who promptly rolls his eyes.

“I’m the Sorcerer Supreme, Stark, not an act for a kid’s birthday party.”

“I mean, with the way that you dress-”

“Ha!” Peter triumphantly laughs, now high up in the branch of a tree. “I-I’m higher up now! So you can’t get to me! Which is good!”

“I think your kid is forgetting one thing, Tones.” Rhodey says, an eyebrow raised.

“What’s that, honeybear?”

“Geese have wings. Which means-”

And, like a final act of destruction, the goose flies up to Peter once more, and knocks him out of the tree, and into the lake, flying in after him.

“Yikes,” Bruce winces.

“How did the Man of Spiders forget geese could fly?” Thor shakes his head sadly, as Valkyrie shrugs and takes a swig of beer.

“Don’t know. Want to make a bet on who wins this?”

“Grab it by the neck!” Happy yells, as Peter and the goose struggle to fight in the water- the goose is winning, which is the sad part.

“You’re telling my kid to choke the goose?” Tony asks incredulously, because that doesn’t sound like a good plan. At all.

“I think that’s what you’re supposed to do.” Scott shrugs, as Happy rolls his eyes.

“That is what you’re supposed to do. I’ve had my fair share of geese before.”

“Now that’s a story I want to hear.” Tony grins, and Happy looks as if he’s having war flashbacks or something.

“No. No, you don’t.”

Meanwhile, Peter’s grunting- he has the goose by the throat with both hands, but the goose is struggling as hard as it can to break out of Peter’s hold. In fact, it’s letting out desperate honks- and jesus christ his kid is actually choking the everloving shit out of the goose.

“Loosen up, kid! It can’t breathe!” Tony cups his hands around his mouth, calling to Peter.

Peter, looks at him, confused. “What? I can’t hear you!” Narrowly, he dodges the goose flailing around in desperation to live, and then, just as the goose is about to bite at Peter’s eye, Peter flinches and holds the goose far away from him, ever so slightly tightening his grip, and then-

Crunch.

The goose is limp in Peter’s hands, no longer struggling.

Everyone stares.

Peter Parker accidentally strangled a goose to death.

“I-” Peter stares at the goose. “Is it-”

“You killed it!” Morgan shrieks, tears about to spill. “You killed the goose, Petey!”

“I don’t- it’s not dead, it can’t be dead, I know I have, like, enhanced strength or whatever, but I wasn’t trying to-” 

Peter looks at the goose, limp, and realization flashes in his eyes.

“Oh my god.”

Morgan begins to sob- loudly, too.

“N-No, it’s okay, Morgs! I- it’s-” Peter stammers, and then, promptly bursts into tears too. “Oh god I killed it I didn’t mean too it’s just my strength I didn’t know I was choking it I thought it was just struggling I didn’t want this to happen-”

“Yeah, you better take care of this.” Clint claps a hand on Tony’s back, and Tony suddenly feels just a tad bit helpless, staring at his two kids quite literally bawling, one with a dead goose in his hands, standing in the lake.

“Guys, it’s okay-” Tony starts, but their sobs far eclipse his words, growing louder in volume.

“I’d hate to be him.” Scott mutters, glancing at Tony- yeah, it’s not like Tony’s crazy about this situation either. How is he supposed to calm down Peter, who accidentally used his enhanced spidey-strength to kill a goose, or Morgan, who’s going through her “I-want-to-be-princess-of-the-animals” phase?

Everyone is just sort of standing there awkwardly now- until Morgan gives a gentle gasp.

“D-Daddy, look, it’s m-moving!” she says through her hiccups, pointing at the goose.

“Oh, shit.” Someone says- and it doesn’t matter who, because Morgan is right.

The goose is alive- it’s head is raised, and Peter hasn’t noticed, still sobbing about how he killed something.

It lets out a single hiss, which seems to somehow echo across the entire lake, if that’s even possible.

Slowly, Peter turns his head towards it, and then,

“WHAT THE FU-”

***

“So, that was eventful.” Tony says- it’s now nighttime, and he’s dabbing a bottle of rubbing alcohol on Peter’s scratch wounds.

“Yeah, no kid- ow!” Peter hisses, flinching away from the cotton ball Tony’s using to do so.

“Don’t move and this’ll go a lot faster, kid.” Tony says- he’s dealt with this before, since Morgan is always running around and scraping her knees.

In the end, the goose won- against everyone. No amount of binding from Stephen’s cloak or waving of swords from Gamora or suits from Tony himself could contain the goose- instead, it had flown off into the night, glaring at them all one last time.

“I still don’t know why that goose hated me so much, Mr. Stark.” Peter complains, fiddling with one of the many bandaids on his arms.

“They’re territorial like that. That’s why none of us ever go near them- I’m impressed you’re still alive, Underoos.”

Peter rolls his eyes. “I mean, I fell into the lake, which sucked, so I think we’re even. The goose is probably, like, my second worst fear now, though.”

“Second?” Tony raises an eyebrow, “What’s the first?”

Peter’s silent for a moment, and then,

“Ronald McDonald.”

**Author's Note:**

> I don't upload for two months and this is what I come back with. Sorry! I plan to publish many more works, so don't worry- would you guys be interested, alongside more Irondad and spiderson works, in ironstrange fics? Send me requests and prompts! Follow me on tumblr at miactive.


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